Different types of mothers and their influence on children
They are wonderful, one of a kind, and an essential part of a child’s life: Mothers. Yet there is not only one way of being a mother, and each mother is unique in its motherhood. In this blog post you will get to know four of the mother types: The authoritarian, the ambitious, the empathetic, and the permissive. When you understand what type of mother you are, you can take healthy steps in parenting, and thereby build a strong mother-child relationship. You don’t necessarily fit into one specific “mother box”, and it’s completely normal if you feel like you’re a mix of some of the mother types.
THE AUTHORITARIAN MOTHER
You raise your child according to fixed rules that are not up for discussion. You expect your child to stay within the framework without complaining, but without explaining why. Instead, there is often a punishment if your child doesn’t do as you say, such as ‘if you don’t finish your meal, you can’t have an ice cream’.
How you influence your child:
The more controlling you are, the more your child will want to break the rules, and ultimately you risk your child losing respect for you. Respect goes both ways, and when you dictate the rules without explanation, you are not showing your child respect.
Break out of your role:
Try to explain to your child why you want him or her to do something specific: ‘I understand that you don’t feel like turning off the television, but we have to go now. You can watch TV again when we get home’. Then you show your child understanding. That doesn’t change the fact that the television has to be turned off now, but it’s not forever.
THE AMBITIOUS MOTHER
You have already signed your little star up to numerous piano and singing lessons, because you think your child is a true musical talent. All mothers think their children are perfect, and it can be difficult for you to assess whether your child is actually as talented as you think.
How you influence your child:
It’s great when the mother is cheering but make sure that your child doesn’t get stressed by the many demands and high expectations. Your child may come to feel that he or she is not good enough if it has to live up to your ambitions. And if your child is constantly being told that it’s the next big musical star, he or she might get an unpleasant shock if the rest of the world doesn’t agree.
Break out of your role:
Try to shift the focus from everything your child has to be good at to what he or she actually wants to do. Does your child really want to sing, or does it want to play soccer or ice hockey more? Try to notice why it is so important to you that your child is perfect.
THE EMPATHETIC MOTHER
You are good at helping your child empathize with others and understand other people’s feelings. When your child is having a hard time, you help it put feelings into words, so it understands why it feels that way and why it reacts in that specific way. You are also good at understanding your child and its feelings yourself, and although you can get angry with your child, you don’t hold a grudge and you’re able to say sorry.
How you influence your child:
Your child will become very good at understanding other people’s feelings and showing understanding for them, since this is how your child itself is met. Your child feels that its feelings are taken seriously, and it feels understood, even when you make demands or say no to your child.
Break out of your role:
Empathy is an important quality, and you should definitely not get rid of it. But perhaps you can get a little inspired by the authoritarian mother, if you feel that you can become even better at setting clear boundaries for your child.
THE PERMISSIVE MOTHER
You are very loving and a good listener, but you find it difficult to set limits for your child, and there are not many consequences if he or she breaks the rules. When you say no, it quickly changes to a yes if your child cries. It is important for you to be friends with your child and make everyone happy, which makes it extra difficult for you to set boundaries.
How you influence your child:
Your child may become unsure of who decides and what is actually expected of him or her if there are limited boundaries. This makes your child very exploratory inside and outside your home because it tries to find out what the framework for its behavior is. Your child may be seen as a troublemaker, but in reality, it is just confused.
Break out of your role:
Try to figure out why it’s difficult for you to set boundaries. Often it is about the fact that we find it difficult to feel our own limits. For example, where do yours go? If you are unsure of your own boundaries, you can’t signal clear boundaries to your child either.
